FOUR

Today was so uneventful I don't even know what to say except I've had an emotional rough dark day. All I did was sit in my dark room with no lights on for hours. I did watch Spice World though with Shannon because she stayed the night last night so we decided to reminisce on being five year olds for an hour and a half when we woke up this morning. It was fun actually. I didn't feel dark for that little bit of time today. I felt light and it was a good feeling I needed to feel for a little bit. 4 down, 361 to go.

THREE

There's some one in my life who I've known since I can remember whom means the world to me. I've always had a crush on my him since we were little kids and some where along the way I fell for him, like truly fell for. The problem is I can't tell him without feeling like a total idiot. I tried to but he was drunk and seemed to have forgotten I told him the next day when I said something to him. It's actually the second time he broke my heart. The first time was a few years back when we were kinda together and he said he thought he loved me and then within days he wasn't even speaking to me anymore. He wasn't avoiding me but he treated me like I was a phase. Getting my heart broken by him hurts more now than it did the first time but it hurts. I don't know what to do with him. I just wanna go back two years ago when we spent Christmas together and we just genuinely enjoyed our time together. Hopefully one day we'll have a true chance together but I don't think we ever will unfortunately. One thing I do know though is he will forever have a special place in my life and I love him wholeheartedly. No one can take that away from me. If only he thought of me like I think of him, every single day. 3 down, 362 to go.

TWO

Today I'm gunna just write about my day. I worked for the second time since I fell twenty feet and broke my femur. I hated my job before my accident but I missed it every day when I couldn't work. Working in a corporate grocery store is not the dream job but it gets me out of the house and off the couch, around people. I've been so alone since my friends don't really come see me or even check up on me but I'm not a mere little cashier anymore; I now work behind customer service. It's different and a little boring but it's a change I needed just like the change in my life I need but haven't discovered yet. I intend on discovering that change I need to make in myself. When I find that change it's gunna be great. 2 down, 363 to go. 

ONE

I tried this once, to write daily about life and I didn't come through. This time I plan on following through seeing as life has gotten even harder since then and I just need to get my feelings out since no one but myself reads this. In the past few years I've lost a lot from family to boys to walking to no work to most importantly, myself. I broke my femur back in June and that changed everything for me. My life completely paused and I lost the ability to do anything. I can't work, I can't sleep the same, I can't go out and do anything, I don't hangout with friends, and I can't even keep my friends. Basically I feel like my life is a mess but everyday I learn something new about myself and how to stop pitying myself because even though I've lost a lot, I gained a lot too. I've become some one I never thought I would be and I'm finally proud of myself. I don't feel proud of myself everyday but I'm still me and still who I am and if I can't accept that, no one ever will accept me. 1 down, 364 to go.